She comes home and before she has the key in the lock the tears are holding hard against the back of her eyes.
The lock turns, she throws her bags on the spare bed.. the empty bed beside hers.. yet another reminder of her aloneness. And next throws herself on her bed, face down, crying into the pillow. Knowing also the futility of the tears that they will simply flow until they stop and nothing will change from this.
Aloneness, mutating into loneliness – what is the difference? Aloneness has a strength and a power – it can be in itself a place of creation, of centredness, even of elegance. But when it degenerates and falls away into a state of loneliness everything begins to unravel at the seams. Powerlessness arises, a feeling of being at the mercy of the state of incapacity – but as the tears flow, and the cries for help arise, a sneaking sensation also comes in.
Alone.. are you really? Are you honestly believing that you are alone?
Are you ready even to shift the blame onto your friend for not being in touch today.. are you ready to cut him off – by not being available for the next few hours – the thoughts did cross the mind. If you shift the blame to another you can really dig deep into your misery.
Ha! Caught out .. No you can’t .. this is not the time to wallow in the pit.. cry you may for a little .. but then throw the cold water on your face… know you are here from choice -and know you are not alone.
Your friends, your unseen circle who are there always with you come a little closer .. now you feel them.. now they are with you.. let the tears flow – but also when it is time let them dry up and breathe again .. deeply into the belly .. letting go of the flip out for now and coming back into your self where you are once again on your path wherever that may lead you.
The emotional swings and roller coasters that come when I let go and allow myself to follow the heart, to follow the path that leads me onward into the unknown can be rocky.
But fortunately all passes and when I allow the feelings to come and wash over me and allow the tears to flow – I also must find that place of allowing them to pass so that the peace may come, for come it must after the storm.
That peace is the gift of loneliness. And the key that turns the lock the art of letting go.