Playing a bigger game. This is a term I have been working with .. mulling over in my brain, trying to get my head around for months, no probably some years .. seeing it as some sort of goal that I had to acheive – something that I needed to do or control or manifest. A position in life that I could only arrive at if I did certain steps.
For example.. if I followed the road to manifesting wealth.. then I could step into playing a bigger game. Because of course you need money to play a bigger game. How can you do something big without lots of cash? And of course then.. as I didn’t have lots of cash, that was a very good reason for not being able to play the bigger game.
So I continued on in my normal life – sure .. doing good things, with good ethics and helping people and feeling grateful for the abundance that I experienced in my life, but always with that nagging sense of not quite stepping into that which was mine to really do.
It was a thorny and knotty problem for me.. something I wrestled with almost constantly. and in fact something that no one else could ever answer for me – try as I might arrive at a suitable response from someone else.
It never came. I meditated, I wrote goals, I reviewed them daily, I spent lots of money on expensive courses that promised to bring me to a state where I would simply KNOW that which I was destined to be do or have.
And so I exercised more, I did special early morning rituals, I gave up things, I contemplated giving up more things.. I reviewed my goals yet again.
And nothing really changed.
And yet deep inside perhaps something was working its way through me.
A sense of synchronicity.
And then came the Dreamcatchers Cruise. I knew I should go with a clear intention of what I was wishing to create through this cruise. But life got in the way and I didn’t clearly formulate more than a simple wish to have a good time. I also wished to surrender to the fact that I had invited my 82 year old aunty along with me.. and that I would need to slow down somewhat and adjust my desires to fit with her needs as well.
I also was hoping quietly to get some clarity on my next steps.
I made a pact with myself that during this cruise – that this event would not see me sleeping. I was not going to miss anything. So dancing into the wee hours of the night became the norm and perhaps that in itself allowed me to break down some barriers that I was holding around myself.
Am I recommending that as a personal growth process? No not necessarily.. but anything that breaks down the walls that we create to ‘protect’ ourselves – in the right situation – can be very useful.
Gurdjieff – that extraordinary teacher and master – was known to get his followers very drunk and then demand of them to be present and aware. A tool that has been used by those who are bent on awakening those around them to good use many times.
So for me.. on the 2nd last day – we were in the conference room – and during a simple sharing exercise – I turned to my friend David who was seated beside me to share – and out of my mouth fell the words.. “I have to go to India.”
It was as if a light had turned on and shone upon the most simple solution that had ever been presented to me.
Here I was .. the person who had been wracking her brains – trying to work out with her mind what to do.. when all the time it was so simple.
Step into the bigger game.. simply acknowledge what is the next step – trust that the way forward will be shown to you and ask: “What can I do for you?”
Maya Shahani and Nandini were there. As soon as I could I went to them both – once again synchonicity aided my steps and they were standing together – and I said: “I am coming to India .. when I get there I would like to assist you .. in whatever way I can.”
Maya creates schools in the slums of Mumbai .. she provides opportunities for the mothers and helps people to come out of poverty. Her Sage Foundation is a model for moving into a better world.
Nandini runs an orphanage with 75 children. She is creating a model for orphanages throughout the world – one which supports the fullest potential of the children who are living there.
I have stepped into a bigger game and it was as simple as saying: “yes” to what was completely under my nose.
Was it easy? No – but it is simple.
Will it be easy.. now that I am home – back in my comfort zone? No not necessarily .. but writing this has put it out there for anyone who cares to read it.. now I have to do it. I have no choice any more.. my path is clear.
Thank you to all who have helped me on this way for there have been many. Mike Handcock and Dave Rogers – and the rest of the Dreamcatchers crew – thank you for you were the final catalyst in this particular alchemical moment.