When was the last time you woke seemingly in the middle of the nght – wide awake – no hint of sleep in your eyes – and a million thoughts in the the head?
This night past has been one of those. It feels a rushing time – a time of never being able to get everything done – almost as if I should get up now because if I don’t all is lost.. and even if I do get up now.. there is never going to be enough time.
And finally its morning, and a few moments of rest were given just before the dawn – but the hang over of the spectre of worry is still there. Its like a darkness hovering.. taunting me – just out of reach .. telling me that I am simply too slow.. I can’t do it all. I won’t manage and all will fall in a miserable heap.
Often this actually heralds a time when I am on the verge of something – when an offer or a gift has come or I am being invited to create a bigger game.
‘Oh that’s another way of seeing it’ – a different slant. And now yes I have been close to a breakthrough – but one that entails a big learning curve and a lot of work with new software to be learnt and a training manual re-written.
And at the same time I am working intensively on the eco-sustainabilty journey which is taking much of my focus..
oh and it’s my last weeks here and I want to enjoy!
Meeting the people ..
enjoying the challenge of the publicity game –
trawling the net to seek more connections and
taking time out to just ‘be’.
Now it is feeling like a race.. I am almost puffing inside – and nervous energy is starting to spill over into my dreaming time.
Writing.. yes .. that too is on the ‘list’ being left further and further behind and learning those new programs such as Camtasia so I can do the video work and having a lesson on my iphone so I understand the ‘cloud’. And meeting my friend Gary, and learning Evernote to write my book.. oh now I am getting so hyped that I can roll on the floor and laugh.. what else to do?
How to stretch myself into a long thin slice so that all can be placed upon it? How to expand my brain into the levels required to be able to encompass all of the new..
and quickly?
waking
awake
all senses alert
but no – its only half past three
now what
sleep dear
ha not in this head
run, busy, diving thoughts chasing each other
on the canvas of past dreams
who goes there..?
who can take care?
only me
only me